Masterpiece Potter: How She Got Her Precious
by Gin chan
Summary: By Tiny Q and Gin Chan. What happens when Ginny finds the Ring of Power? Insanity, that’s what. And not just the mental kind. Featuring: Mad Cow Disease


Title: Masterpiece Potter

Author: Gin Chan and Tiny Q

E-Mail Tiny Q: one_legged_lesbian_seagull@hotmail.com

E-Mail Gin chan: gindelite@netscape.net 

Tiny Q: Well, I don't really know where this came from, but under Gin Chan's encouragement, I wrote it out.  She fed the ideas and I wrote them, adding my own little touches here and there.  I will give a cookie to whoever can pick out which ones are mine.  :D  And I know it's nothing like what I usually write, so just bare with me.  Oh!  And just so you know: Nicole Kidman is scared of butterflies.

Gin Chan: Tee hee!!! A&W _MUST_ have something in that root beer because this story came out and woo, is it a killer! I hope it doesn't give anyone nightmares…

Link of Fear:  

Disclaimer:  Well, we don't own anything.  Really.  There is no real plot to own and we definitely don't own the diseases that are riddling our country as we speak.  But if we did own them I think we could make a lot of money...  Anyhoo, anything else that seems like a reference to something else, probably is and we don't own that either.  Just so you know...

**Masterpiece Potter******

**How She Got Her Precious**

~*~

            A time not too long ago in Harry Potter Lore, Ginny Weasley, everyone's favorite Weasley female, was walking around the Hogwarts grounds.  Now Ginny by now has many issues.  And by issues I mean she was seriously not right in the head.  Loopy.  Loony.  A little unsound.

            This all started with a little black diary with the memory of some bloke called Tom Riddle.  Ever heard of him?  No?  Moving on to the next stimulus: a date with Neville Longbottom.  Now I am sure you have _all_ heard of him, right?  Good.  Bottoms to ya!  There was also an incident involving a "dragon" but we're not too sure about that one at the moment.  (Damn fifth book!  I bite my thumb at your tardiness!)

            Now as I was saying before I went on my little tangent of insanity... (Only charged at a rate of five cents per minute.  Anyone got a nickel?)  ~looks at Chad Krogger~  (Nickelback)  Now, what was I talking about...?

            Oh yes!  Ginny!  Sweet and insane- I mean, uh, innocent!- Ginny!  Well she was contentedly skipping across the fields of Hogwarts signing 'Dirty' by Christina Aguilera on the tops of her lungs.  And she can sing quite loud.  The proof?  All the birds, various creatures and students had their wings, various limbs and fingers in their ears to block out the horrid sound.  (Now, let's just put one of those beefy arms on the back of him for good measure.)

            Now, as she was singing and skipping and generally being a nuisance to society, she came across the most wondrous thing!  (Ooooooh!  Sparkly lights!)  It was round, gold and had a hole in it.  And no, it was not a golden glazed doughnut from Tim Horton's.  

            It was a ring!  The most beautiful, not to mention expensive, object she had ever laid her eyes on.  Let alone her grubby little hands.

            Letting out a high-pitched "Oooooh!" she crouched down and scooped the object into her hands.  It was the best of times.  The simple band had odd writing on it that glowed in her eyes.  And what lovely brown eyes they were.  Like poo.  And I'm not talking about the kind with the chunks of anonymous corn.  I mean the pure fecal matter.

            Ginny looked up suspiciously and looked about in a matter the resembled a cow about to be hit by a raging, oncoming train.  Yet the fiends and ring wraiths she expected to see were not there.  Something far worse was before her: A mosquito.

            "Gah!" she let out.  "West Nile Virus!  Run to the hills!"  She began to run then stopped.  "Wait!  There are no hills!  Run to the school!"  And with that she b-lined towards the massive building as though Voldemort himself was at her heels.  And he very well could be.  I mean, do we _really know where that pesky disease came from?  Or know how it got into a __mosquito??  Sounds fishy to me.  And I mean big time, 30 foot fishy.  Named Bob.  For good measure of course._

            After escaping from the clutches of the giant mosquito army (which consisted of three rebellious members who had broken off from the "hive"), Ginny spent the next few weeks pondering over her new found treasure.  It found its home in her bra, nestled as close to her tainted heart as it could get.  Slowly the name "precious" began to whisper in her mind until the ring was in fact called this.  Now the possessive factor of this object began to increase and it was worse than a Malfoy and his security blanket.  Which is a turbulent relationship, I can assure you.  No one knew of the ring or of Ginny's queer and odd love for it.  And no.  You don't see it before you die.  That's a ring of _light honey._

            Now after all this time, where interesting things of course happened- Oh.  You want to know what, do you?  Well there was a tree, a spider who claimed he was a man and some nonsense about a boy in a bubble.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but interesting none the less.  Interesting.  _Very_ interesting.  Yup. Uh-huh.  You got i- OK!  Stop yelling!  But- ALRIGHT!!

            I'll just skip to the good part, shall I?

            Ginny was sitting with her one true human love: The aforementioned "dragon".  It was a sunny day and she was content to sit there in her turbulent and not quite right mind, glaring at the one and only, drop dead gorgeous, also known as the "Sexy Bitch", Draco Malfoy.  He had a pin to prove it.  It's shinny.  ~ping~

            "Alright, Draco," Ginny said when she had completed glaring at him.  Well, after she had stopped following a butterfly with her eyes and wiggling her index finger at it chanting: "I'll never tell."  Cause no one suspects the butterflies you know.  Well except Nicole Kidman.  _She_ knows.  "You have to make the most _important decision in your life."  She paused and gathered a deep breath.  "You have to choose between Harry or me.  I can't take this bizarre love triangle _any_ longer."_

            The insanely gorgeous Draco stared at her in utter surprise.  Which in Malfoy terms meant a raised eyebrow.  "You," he stuttered.  "You know about that?"  Actually, it wasn't a stutter.  It was more a squeak.  Like a pig.  Oink.

            "Well, everyone knows.  Even Snape."  She paused.  "He was quite disturbed.  In fact, he told me.  And I told Dumbledore.  And, well, I think he made some sort of announcement, cause after that everyone knew.  _Such_ a gossip that old fool."  She grinned.  ~grin~

            Draco, whos beauty still shown through even under stress, stared at the fiery, not so sane, red head.  He was contemplating his answer obviously.  Then after a moment, he stared into Ginny's poo eyes and said: "I choose Harry."

            Ginny's mouth dropped open, resembling the 30 foot fishy, Bob.  Then she turned her head away, taking her torso with her.  Pulling her shirt down and fishing about in her bra, she pulled out her precious and hunched over it.

            "He chose poorly," she muttered.  "He must be punished!"

            "Ginny?" Draco asked, his voice full of concern.  He gently turned her towards him.  

            Giving out a sharp gasp, Ginny shoved the ring back into her bra and hissed at him.  Like snake.  Draco frowned at her. 

            "Ginny, what was that?" he asked curiously.

            "You saw!" Ginny half hissed/shrieked.  Without a moment's hesitation, much to the moment's relief, she leapt at Draco.  "No one must know of my precioussss!"

            "Gah!" Draco managed as Ginny began to claw at his lovely, oh so lovely, head.  Lovely, silky hair was a flying and soon she was bashing at the boy's skull.  Picking away the bone she gobbled the pink brain up.

            "Ha!" she said in triumph.  "Now you'll _never remember me or my precious!"  She paused.  "Or Harry.  Or..."_

            Draco looked up at her with a bright smile, blowing bubbles through his lips.

            Ginny stared at him.

            All was silent.

            Then suddenly an image of last night's dinner wandered aimlessly into her not quite stable head.  It was wearing a housecoat and pink bunny slippers.

            ...

            "MAD COW DISEASE!" she shrieked.  

            It was the worst of times.

            Without a second longer, she regurgitated the four neat pieces of Draco's brain back into his head.  As to how they managed to stay in four pieces no one is quite sure.  Perhaps the ring knows, but then, it will never tell.  Damn arrogant jewelry.  Always causing problems.

            She scrambled to piece the skull back together.  Like a puzzle.  She was having fun.  Once the head looked back to relative normal, she leapt to her feet and ran into the Forbidden Forest screaming: "I AM RAGING!"

            The last words that poor, and now not so beautiful, Draco heard her insane mouth speak were: "Where's O-Town?!"  

            And now he is in the same padded room I am in St. Mungos.  Sitting here in the chair I am sitting in.  Writing the twisted tale that I myself am writing.  I guess you can tell: the insanely beautiful Draco Malfoy is me.  I have this thing for writing about myself as though I am not myself.  It makes me feel special. 

            But you know, it's all her fault that I am in here.  My lovely brain was never the same after she tried to digest it.  Stupid stomach acids.  I'd bite my thumb at it but I'm already biting it at the fifth book.  And I would look rather silly with two thumbs in my mouth.  It's bad enough that I have this stupid band-aid on my head.  Even if it does have smiley faces on it.  

            The Professors put it there before they brought me here.  They patched up my head and told me the voices in my head weren't real.  Not real my ass.  They tell me that the squishy feeling walls can be run through if I go at the speed of light.  I've tried but have yet to accomplish the task.

            So I suppose for the moment I am content writing stories of better days.  Days with SARS and weed and pretty things.  Such as myself. That's why I always have someone braid my hair.  It makes me feel pretty.  Oh so pretty!  It makes me feel: pretty and witty and gay!  It makes me feel charming!  Oh so charming....

Tiny Q says: THE END!!

~*~

Tiny Q: Well the horror is over.  I assure you.  Except I believe that Gin wants to turn this into a long running series with all the different characters.  ~Shudders at the thought~ I don't want to mutilate more lovely characters!  Not even if you all want us to.  ~Runs off crying~

Gin chan: ~**evil laughter~** Muh ha ha ha ha!!!!! I laugh, LAUGH!!! This will be a long running series I swear it!!! ~Begins knitting a banner saying 'Masterpiece Potter'~


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